Friday Fiction - Henry Pooper and the Missing Tatter Tots

Thanks everyone for the thoughtful and encouraging messages on my first venture into this new world. This week's was a bit tougher for me as I couldn't think of anything for 'conspinkey' but with a little help from my friends (and bending the rules a little!), here's what I came up with. Hope you like it!

It was a day like any other at Wartworths for Henry and the gang when the announcement came that the whole school was required to attend an emergency meeting in the dining room. Henry entered the huge hall with his friends, Harrymoney and Rob Weasel, and looked around with some trepidation; could they not have one day without a mystery to solve?

'Students of Wartworths!' Cried the headmaster, Crumblewhore. 'A great tragedy has fallen upon us once again!'

Great, thought Henry, and just when I should be studying for my mid-terms. He must have scoffed out loud because Harrymoney shot him a scowl. Man, she is really becoming a pain in the ass.

'...But we should not let this stop us from the mid-terms and the feasts to follow. If we do not find them in time, we shall have mashed instead!' Crumblewhore raised his fist to the sky and the students around him roared their approval.

'What's happened?' Henry leaned to Ron Weasel.

'Weren't you listening? Someone's stolen all the tatter tots!' Ron Weasel replied, wringing his hands in despair.

'Is that all? Hardly an emergency.' Henry rolled his eyes.

''Is that all?'' Ron Weasel squealed. 'It's a catastrophe! We've got to find them before the feasts!'

'C'mon Ron, it's just bloody potatoes. It's hardly the end of the world.'

'But Wartworth students always have tatter tots after the mid-terms, it's a tradition.' Harrymoney piped up, her nasal little voice drilling a hole in Henry's brain. 'We've got to try to find them!'

'But how?' Ron Weasel asked in a querulous voice.

Harrymoney thought for a moment before replying. 'In my silly buggers class, I've been learning about invisibility spells. There's one called the inconspinkey I think could work!'

'Great!' Ron replied. 'Let's meet in the toilets after class and try it out.'

As they walked out of the hall, Henry wondered to himself would he ever get a chance to study? And what was Ron Weasel's obsession with the toilets？

...

Three hours later, the three of them were standing in a circle holding hands in the bathroom. Occasionally you could hear students rushing past, hurrying to their dorms or getting ready for the Swiggle match. It was dark and dank in the toilets and their voices echoed off the grimy porcelain surfaces.

'Oxy-gel mask, pantene ten, nivea,' Harrymoney chanted, with her eye closed.

'Are you sure you know the spell?' Ron Weasel whined.

'Yes!' Harrymoney huffed. 'Now shut up and let me finish!'

'I just don't want to turn into a frog again!' Ron squeaked.

'Ron, shut the fuck up,' Henry replied. 'The sooner we do this stupid thing, the sooner I can get back to studying.' And trying to figure out a spell to see into the girls' changing rooms, he thought to himself.

'Oxy-gel mask, pantene ten, nivea, loreal et visage!' Harrymoney finished with a flourish. They dropped hands and looked about themselves warily; they appeared to be in an empty toilets. 'Well that worked, I can't see either of you!' She said with a smug satisfaction.

Quietly they crept down to the kitchens in the lower recesses of Wartworths.

'Gross, what's that smell?' Ron Weasel whispered.

'Vegetables.' Harrymoney replied drily and Henry sniggered.

Entering into the kitchens, the heat hit them straight on. It was muggy like a jungle with steam rising to the ceiling from thousands of large pots. Kitchen staff raced back and forth, sweat falling down their bodies onto the floor. Fat chefs yelled about the din of hissing and snapping, shouting out orders that appeared to go unheard.

'Over here.' Harrymoney pulled the boys behind a large carton of egg substitute powder. They hunkered down to watch.

After an hour, Ron Weasel had started to snore and Henry's legs were starting to get sore from the cramped space. He was just about to say that they should give up and get back to their dorms when a shape loomed out of the steam in front of them.

It was large and brooding, slowly moving through the vapours. The kitchen helpers seem to ignore the presence, still running around like headless chickens. Henry's breath caught in his throat as he prodded Harrymoney and Ron Weasel.

'Wha, what?' Ron Weasel muttered.

'Shhh, the tatter thief is coming!' Henry hissed at him.

As they crouched lower, the figure came towards them, weaving back and forth. Finally it emerged and stepped into the foreground. A grey and dirty tattered jacket, large black boots and a beard of natty pubic-like hair.

'Haggerd!' The three jumped out from their hiding place and Haggard jumped a foot in the air.

'Who goes there?' Haggard demanded, his beady eyes roaming the area frantically.

'It's us,' Harrymoney waved her arm to release the spell and she, Henry and Ron Weasel appeared. 'What are you doing?'

'Ah well, I was...' Haggard stuttered, looking sketchy. He glanced down at the trio and sighed resigned. 'Alright, I was looking for more tatter tots.'

'But why?' Ron asked.

'They're not for me, they're for my new pet. He's a tato-dino-crater.' Haggard smiled inwardly, thinking of his new friend.

'Oh but Haggard, you know those tatter to are for the mid-term feast!' Harrymoney said, sounding very disappointed. 'What have you done with all the others?'

'Well Frank already ate those you see so...'

'Okay then we'll just have to make some more.' Harrymoney looked thoughtful.

'You can do that?' Ron Weasel asked.

'Well sure, all we need is some more potatoes – preferably new – and some oil. I know a spell.' She looked around and spied the ingredients.

'Fucking hell, why didn't you just do that in the first place!' Henry said angrily and stormed off. His friends stared after him as he stormed out of the kitchen.

I really need some new friends, Henry fumed.